3 years ago today...

I married the love of my life.



I can't believe how fast time goes by. So much has happened (both good and bad) in these last 3 years. From welcoming our son into the world to experiencing a loss. From buying our first home together to finding out I have Lyme Disease. So much has happened. But through it all we are each other's support. We are as much in love today as we were on our Wedding day.



I love you, Matt!!



Here's to many more happy years ahead!!!!!

Diaper Rash+Guilty Mama=Fun Times at Chuck E. Cheese

This morning around 2 Holden started crying. I let him cry it out since he wasn't crying very hard. He settled back down after just a few minutes.

This morning when I went to check on him a horrible smell hit my nose. I'm pretty sure he had gone to the bathroom at 2 when he was crying. Lately he's been "pooping acid"...it eats through his skin so bad.

I had to send Daddy to the store because I was out of wipes. I knew it was going to be hard to change him because when I mentioned that Daddy had gone to get wipes so we could change his diaper, he went ballistic.

I hate when my baby is in pain. We had to hold him down. He was crying his eyes out. It broke my heart.

I lathered his little butt with lots and lots of diaper rash cream.

I felt horrible because I should of tended to him this morning at 2 when he woke up. He never poops in the middle of the night.. I thought he had just woken up for some other reason.

So to make him happy (and me) we went to Chuck E. Cheese. He has only been there one other time (for his 2nd birthday).

We had a lot of fun. We found out Holden is terrified of Chuck E. Cheese. He was cautiously weary of him at his 2nd birthday party. However today he screamed bloody murder when Chuck E. Cheese came near him.

His little butt is doing better. It's still somewhat chaffed, but I've been putting lots of ointment and baby powder on it. Poor Baby.:-(

Look at this Giveaway!

I saw from my friend, Keara, that 5 Minutes for Mom is giving away a t.v. It is a 37 inch flat panel LCD HDTV! It is valued at $799 from Best Buy.

How awesome is that?!

Random Ramblings

I'm bored.

I shouldn't be. I have about a million things I should be doing, most of which includes cleaning... blah!

So instead I'm blogging. Seems like a good use of my time, lol!

My foot really hurts. I went to get some sunscreen out of the cabinet in Holden's bathroom. Right when I opened it, I could tell it was going to fall. I couldn't move fast enough. BAM. It fell right on my right foot. OUCH!! It hurt badly. Holden was so cute though. He came running in there and when he saw I was in pain, he kissed my foot. AWWWWW! I don't know why just opening it caused it to fall. About a week ago I caught Holden hanging from it.. so maybe that caused it to be less sturdy and me just opening it was the final straw?? I don't know, but it hurt!

(Ignore my ugly toes.. I'm in need of a pedicure.)


The cabinet that fell on my foot:



I'm very angry at my insurance. They are refusing to pay for my lab work I had done. They said it's experimental. I called and explained to them that I had a highly positive Lyme test so it is NOT experimental. My doctor ran the additional tests to see check my Natural Killer cells. It's called a CD57 test. When you have Lyme the bacteria kills your natural killer cells. By seeing how many nk cells you have, you can tell how badly you have Lyme disease.. like how long you've had it. So it's a VERY necessary test. I told the insurance all of this, but they just told me.. sorry it's not covered. Aghhh!! I don't know what to do. I'm not very good at arguing with people.. but if they are not going to pay for bloodwork related to my Lyme disease then I am in trouble. I don't see why it matters what disease it's for... I'm sick people!!!!

OH my gosh, thanks for letting me get that out!! I'm just so frustrated and overwhelmed.. I could burst.

That probably should of gone in my Lyme blog, but oh well.

Busy last few days..

Thursday my inlaws arrived. My mil's grandfather passed away and they came to attend the services.

Friday we went to Pampa, Texas to pay our respects. It was our first trip since buying Holden's Britax carseat. He seemed comfortable the whole way and even fell asleep!


Saturday we went to Rosa's Cafe. Good restaurants are in short supply in Colorado (where my inlaws live) so they wanted to take advantage of the delicious tex-mex we have. Rosa's is one of our favorite places. Afterwards we took the boys to the Legacy Play Village. They had a blast.. but once again it sure was hot.


Sunday we headed to the mall. I felt very lightheaded that day so the walking around was hard, but I managed. That night we hung around the house. We spent a lot of time in the backyard playing basketball. We made a little tournament out of it. It was fun! We also played Scene-It.. which was a blast.

Monday everyone headed back to Colorado. I'm always sad when family leaves.. but not long after they left Holden and I (well actually just I) decided to go tag along with Matt. He had to go to Odessa for his job. In all the time I've lived here (pretty much my whole life) I had never been to Odessa.. or Midland. (The hometown of George Bush).

We had a good time. We stopped in Midland and ate at JumBurrito. It was DELICIOUS!! Seriously one of the best burritos I've ever had. Then we went to Odessa. Me and Holden waited at McDonalds while Matt went to do his work. After that we went to the Music City Mall. It's a pretty neat place. Much cooler than our mall.

So, anyway, that's what we've all been up to. In less than 3 weeks we will be leaving to go to Louisiana. I'm pretty excited about that!!

I'll end this entry with a picture of Holden and his cousins.:-) They were laying on the bed watching Bambi.


Oh and Angie cut Holden's hair while they were here. It was much needed!! It was a struggle getting it cut.. I don't know why, but the boy HATES having his hair cut. We had to stick him right in front of the t.v. and give him a bag of grapes. He still wiggled a lot.

(Ignore the messy face...this was taken after eating a happy meal on the way to Odessa)

An apple a day...doesn't keep Mama away!

Yes it's true, I love to take pictures of my boy. A little too much. I won't even let him eat an apple in peace!! Holden adores apples. He's even been calling them by a name, though it doesn't quite sound like apple, but he's trying!

Pretty much anything Holden does is picture worthy in my book. So it wouldn't come as a surprise that I had to take 324554 pictures while he enjoyed his tasty, granny smith apple. Lucky for you I narrowed it down to five.;)

Fun Summer Days...

Today we took Holden to the Legacy Play Village. Holden had so much fun. This is a picture of the main play structure there- a castle. It is HUGE.


We stayed for nearly an hour. Would of stayed longer but it was very very hot. Holden didn't mind though..

Here he is looking out of a window.


Posing!


I promise we put sunscreen on him!!


We came home and Holden took a very long nap- 3 1/2 hours. He was in a super good mood when he woke up, just in time for dinner.

Riding in Style (and Safely too!!)

Holden's new carseat came last week. It is the coolest and safest seat EVER. I had been pining over it for a few months. With Holden getting close to 40 lbs. (his old seat's weight limit), I decided to bite the bullet. He still has 8 lbs. to go until he reaches 40, but I just couldn't wait.

What first sparked my interest in the Britax Regent was this video. It's about a little boy named Kyle, who was taken from this world (much too soon) because his seat belt failed when his family's car was in an accident. He was 3 years old and over the weight limit of most carseats. He was riding in a booster seat. His family didn't know that a child of his size could still be in a 5 pt. harness. I cried for a long time after watching this video. It's so horrible that this happened to Kyle. It could happen to any child. Thankfully his parents had the strength to make sure his death wasn't in vain. They made this video and have a website that talks about the importance of a 5 pt. harness.

I urge any parent that sees this to keep your child in a 5 point harness until they are 80 lbs.

Here is Holden in his seat:

Fourth of July Pictures!

Holden fell asleep on the way.. He was tired because he didn't take his nap.


Clinging on to Daddy. He was scared at first.


Me and Holden chilling in the back of the Jeep.


Daddy and Holden..


Me and Matt.. gosh I look awful.


All 3 of us


Pictures of the fireworks didn't go too well. Next year I need to read up on how to take a good firework picture. My camera has a setting for fireworks but it didn't help any.

Underexposed


Overexposed


Holden in awe of the fireworks.


Holden with my sister, Tiffany.



I hope everyone had a Happy Fourth of July!!!!

Happy Fourth... here's looking to next year!

On this Independence day, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about last year and the year to come. I don't think I was sick last year. If I was infected, I wasn't showing any symptoms. We went to 4th on Broadway last year and met up with Angie, Eddie, and the kids. Afterwards we went to Cotton Patch. Then we came back to our house where Matt & Eddie cleaned out the pool while the rest of us hung out.

I was pregnant then. Though the baby was already gone.:-( I was almost 12 weeks and when I had my m/c the baby only measured 8 weeks. I started miscarrying the night of July 5th.

Next year I'm hopeful that my string of bad luck will be gone. It seems crazy that in one year I tragically lost my dog, had a miscarriage, and contracted Lyme Disease. Maybe the Lyme made me miscarry? I don't know..

Anyway, here is looking to next year. I'm confident things will be so much better then.

Later tonight we are going to go see the firework show. I'm super excited about that. Holden is going to love it!!!

I promise my next entry on this blog won't be depressing lol.. I will post pictures of our time tonight.

New Blog

I decided to start a new blog about my experience with Lyme Disease. I wanted it to be seperate from this blog. If you want to visit it please click here.

Thanks!

I have Lyme Disease.

Is that not the craziest thing ever? I never in a million years would think this could happen. Looking back all my weird symptoms now make sense. In a way I feel relieved to have a diagnosis. Now I know why I feel like this. Now I just need to get better! I hope I can overcome this.

I feel like writing out what's been going on with me, just so I can see how this all progressed. I still feel shocked.

I remember getting bit by a tick. I don't know exactly when it happpened. I just know that we were living in our new house so it had to be at least May.

August~ I had my first lightheaded episode. Me, Matt, and Holden were at the Mall and I had to sit down because I thought I was going to faint.

August~ While Matt was in Austin for that week, I had the worst cold ever. Looking back I think this was the flu-like symptoms that are associated with Early Lyme.

September-December I felt fine.

The end of December I did feel lightheaded. We were at Sears buying a camera and I kept having to stop to rest.

January is when it started getting worse. I felt weak, tired, and lightheaded.

Then in March I had really bad back spasms that lasted for a nearly a week. After that my back still ached.

April is when the scary stuff started. I had weird heart palpatations. It started with at tacychardia episode. One night I was just sitting down, putting Holden's shoes on and my heart started beating out of my chest. It lasted all evening. My chest hurt because my heart was beating so hard and fast.

I finally went to the doctor. He said everything was fine and referred me a a Cardiologist. It took so long to get the referral that I finally went to a different doctor. He said I had heartburn. At that time my prominent symptom was chest pain. I doubted that diagnosis, but decided to take some anti-acid. It didn't help.

I finally got in to see the Cardiologist. He set me up with a heart monitor and scheduled an ECG. At this time, I had researched my symptoms a lot and kept coming up with Lyme Disease. I knew it was unlikely but had to take the test to be sure.

I found a doctor that knew about Lyme Disease. When I had mentioned getting bit by a tick to another doctor that I had seen, he brushed it off. I felt crazy for even mentioning it.

I went to the Lyme Doctor and got the test. I had to pay out of pocket because the insurance didn't cover it. It cost $245 (ouch!)

Last night is when I got the call about the results. I answered the phone totally expecting to hear that it was negative. I can't even explain my shock when the nurse told me "...and it's Postive". She even said it was the most positive test he had ever seen and that my B12 was low.

So many thoughts have gone through my head since then. I have so many questions.

Does Holden have it?

What can I do?

Can I get better?

Is there going to be permanent damage?

As I sit here my chest hurts, my heart is beating weird. It's something I've become used to (sadly). I can't wait to be myself again. You don't understand. To be able to go to the store and not feel like I'm going to faint. It will be so wonderful. I'm trying to be hopeful about this but I'm scared too.

I hope by my birthday (Septmeber 26) that I'm better. That will be the best Birthday present ever.

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day has been good. I made Matt breakfast. Then this evening we are going out to eat with my dad, sister, and brother.

Here are some pictures of my guys!

Matt enjoying the breakfast I made him.


Holden and his Daddy:

Saturday Adventures

This morning we decided we wanted to do something fun! We went to Old Mill Trade Days. It is basically a huge flea market with good food and entertainment. It is located in a small town called Post, about 35 miles away. I forgot my camera so I didn't get any pictures.:-( We had a good time. It was something different to do on a Saturday instead of the same ol' same ol'. We even found something for Holden's new camp-themed bedroom. An old rustic birdhouse. Sweet!

Holden was tuckered out by the time we got home. He is snoozing as I type. Matt just got finished spending over 2 hours doing yard work! He is exhausted.

Anyway, that was our day. :-)

My baby is growing up! He's transitioning into a bed!

Yesterday we went out and bought Holden a mattress set. We don't have his bed yet, but we're just going to put the mattress set on a frame for now. I don't know if I am ready for this transition, but dh thought we should give it a shot. We bought a full sized set because Holden moves around a lot.

Last night we gave it a go and Holden did great! He went to sleep pretty quickly and slept all through the night. He didn't wake up until after 9. I went in his room and took pictures of him, but it didn't wake him.





After a while..I heard a tiny knock on his door. He had a huge smile on his face when I opened it. (We put one of those child proof knobs on the inside of his door. I don't want him roaming the house in the middle of the night!)

Nap didn't go as well, but we'll get there! It took about 1 1/2 hours for him to settle down for his nap. I wasn't here. I was at the doctor getting an ecg. Holden was still "talking" when I came home. Soon after it got quiet so I thought I'd check in. First I looked under the door to make sure he wasn't in front of it. Sure enough he was! He had fallen asleep on the floor right in front of the door.


I can't believe my baby is out of crib. This came too soon!

I have a little fish on my hands.

Holden loves water. He has always loved his bath (well alway minus the newborn phase, lol). Lately we've been taken him swimming at my sister's apartment. He loves that. See him and his Daddy having fun.


This Saturday we purchased one of those easy set pools. We set it up this afternoon. Holden couldn't wait to get in LITERALLY.


We all had a great time in the pool. It was a little cold, but we got used to it. Hopefully the sun's rays will warm it up pretty good for next time!

Let me end with a couple more pictures.

It's been one year...

Since I tragically lost my sweet dog, Toby. On May 24, 2006 he was hit by a car. I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. He shouldn't of left this world like that.. not my Toby. He should of died peacefully in his sleep when he was much much older. He should of grown up with Holden. There should of been so many more days with him. More belly rubs. More sitting under the computer desk, keepig my feet warm, lol. More cuddling in bed with me. It's just not fair.

He was such a great dog in so many ways. Sometimes I get scared that I'm starting to forget about him. You know how all dogs have little quirks that make them different from other dogs. I sometimes have to strain to remember his. Why does time do this? I still remember a lot but it feels like it's getting foggier. I remember how he had this excited cry sound that he would make when we would come home. He always missed us so much when we were gone. He loved us just like we loved him. You could tell.

Oh Toby... why why why did you get out of the backyard that day? I wish this had not happened. I wish you were here with us still.

I know that you would not want us to be sad. So I will try not to cry too much when I think about you. I can say it has gotten a little better. Right after you left us all I did was cry... now I have gone on with my life. Sometimes I can even smile when I think about you instead of just feeling sad. However unlike the saying goes, Time does not heal all wounds.

I will never forget you. I love you Toby Bear!!!!!!!

Let's remember the good times--







p.s. I know some people wouldn't understand how a person could get so worked up over a dog. However for those of you who have a dog as special as Toby is to me (still find it hard to say was) ,you can relate.

Hard Day... but worth it!

Today was the day Holden was having surgery to get tubes. I started out the day with knots in my stomach. I woke up at 7am because I was so nervous. I went to wake Holden around 8:30. He was peacefully sleeping.


We went to the hospital, registered, and got a room. Poor baby had no idea what was to come.. He was just chillin' while watching Dora.


After a while they took us to the OR holding area. Here they gave Holden some medicine to calm his nerves and make him drowsy. Soon after he started acting drunk. It was so crazy.

Then they took him. It was so hard watching them wheel him off. We went to the cafeteria to try to pass some time. The doctor had told us it would take approx. 30 minutes. After the cafeteria, we went to the waiting room. The wait was so incredibly difficult. Soon 30 minutes came and went. Then 35... then 40... by the time it had been 45 minutes I was getting so anxious. I kept thinking 'something must of gone wrong'. Finally Holden's doctor came into the waiting room. He said the surgery went GREAT! A flood of relief rushed over me. He said the hearing test they performed while he was still asleep showed that his hearing was perfectly normal. I asked him how much fluid was in his ears and he said a lot. It really made me feel like we made the right decision. He said he could tell the fluid hadn't been sitting in the ears because there wasn't any mucuous, but that it probably came and went.


The most difficult part is, exactly what everyone told me would be, seeing him afterwards. We met him in the PACU (Post Anesthesia Care Unit). When we walked in, I immediately saw him behind the first curtain. I ran over there and saw that he had been crying. The nurse said he had just woke up. He was very upset. He looked flushed. He cried for about 20 minutes straight. It was heartbreaking. Normally if he's upset I can hold him my arms and he is better. Not this time. He got so upset, at one point, that he ripped out everything he was connected to (the iv, arm cuff, pulse ox.) After a while the nurse brought a t.v. and we watched Toy Story. She also gave him a popsicle. These things helped TREMENDOUSLY.

He had to be observed for about 1 1/2 hours or so. With the exception of the first 20 minutes after surgery, he has been in a GREAT mood.

I am very relieved to have this day behind us. Hopefully this surgery will greatly improve his speech!

Tomorrow Holden is having surgery...

At 10:00 tomorrow morning Holden is getting tubes put in his ears. He's been having a lot of fluid sitting in his ears, the doctor thinks that is why his speech is delayed. I'm a little nervous. I know it's a common procedure and it is very quick... but still any kind of surgery is a little nerve wracking. Please pray that everything goes okay!

Tag, I'm it!

My friend, Mandy, tagged me. I don't know if I know 7 other bloggers to tag.. Oh well first, here are some wierd things about me!

1) I like club crackers dipped in applesauce.

2) I sometimes pull my hair... I'm getting better though!

3) My pinky toe on my left foot grows up instead of out.. lol. It's freaky!

4) On my shoulder, I have 3 freckles that connect to form a triangle.

5) I'm a google addict. I visit it multiple times a day.:-)

6) I have OCD when it comes to locking doors. At night I check the front door a few times before I can go to bed.

7) I cannot wink or whistle.


Okay, now I am going to tag some friends... let's see..

Keara, Jessica (Tater's mom), Yan, Amanda, Julie, Karen, and Sara (Logan's Mom)

I don't know how many of you read my blog.. I guess we'll see.:-)

Holden and his Cousins!

This weekend Angie, Taylor, and Jesse were in town. We didn't get to see much of them, but tonight they came for dinner. Holden had fun playing with his cousins! There was a funny moment when Taylor and Holden were playing. I went into the playroom and saw Holden and Taylor laying on the air bed. She told me, "We're playing house." She said she was putting Holden to sleep. I said, "Oh, so he's your baby?" She said, "No... You know how my Mom has my Dad? That's what Holden is." I chuckled a little and said, "Oh, he's your husband?" Taylor nodded her head.

Jesse and Holden had fun together too. They thought it was great fun to put on mine and Uncle Matt's shoes. :-)

Weird Health Issues:-(

I've been having some weird health problems. It started way back in January. Out of nowhere I started feeling very lightheaded. I worked at the daycare back then and it was really scary because I felt like I was going to faint constantly. It sort of went away so I never went to the doctor. I kept on having periods of feeling lightheaded, but they didn't last long so I still didn't go to the doctor.

Then at the end of March I started having weird heartbeats. One night I was just sitting and my heart started pounding out of my chest. Matt counted how fast it was beating and it was beating over 100 bpm... and this was just sitting down! It did that for like 3 hours straight. My chest was hurting so bad. It scared the crap out of me. That was on a Saturday. I decided that on Monday I would go see a dr. I felt better on Monday so I decided not to go to the doctor.

Well ever since then my heart keeps randomly skipping beats. And the feeling of fainting is getting bad. Finally I saw a doctor last Friday. I got blood work done, had a urinalysis, and an EKG. Everything was normal. The doctor said that he had to wait for my thryoid test results. Depending on what the results are he is probably going to refer me to a Cardiologist. So for now I must wait. I really hope I get over this soon... I haven't gone anywhere since Friday.. I'm so scared I'm going to faint.

Holden's first movie theater experience!!

This morning we went to see Meet the Robinson's. Holden did wonderful. He was moving around a lot during the previews, but once the movie started he settled down. It was a lot of fun!! Even Matt and I enjoyed the movie!:-)

Of course I had to take a picture!:-)

What I woke up to on Easter weekend!

It's a good thing we didn't have plans or I would probably be totally peeved. It's kind of pretty though, but I do hope it melts off soon. I'm SICK of cold weather. We live in Texas for pete's sake!!